How to Leave a Church Properly

What about you?  Has God assigned you to this church?  

When faced with the decision regarding where you go to church and invest your God-given gifts and abilities, you should ask yourself several questions

• Am I able to follow the leaders God has placed here? 
• Can I follow their lead even if I see things differently?
• Is my time here through? 
• How can I be sure? 
• Why does it matter?

 
Here’s the answer to that last question:  Why does it matter?

If you remain in a church where you don’t see eye to eye with the leadership OR where you have been disappointed or hurt, you may unintentionally pass your wounds and offenses on to others
 

• Here’s the reason:  Because hurt people hurt people (that’s a four word sermon)    

If you are a parent, this illustration will certainly make sense How many times have you retrieved your child from the church nursery (where there were 20 children present) to discover that one of the children there was ill? Within a few hours or days your child catches the virus  Then this sickness is passed to your entire family ... Why? Because one little tike in the group was contagious  One bad apple CAN spoil the whole bunch   
 
If you believe that you are to be part of this church, please be careful

• Remember that wounds and offenses, even disappointments, are often contagious
• Make it your goal to “get well” so you don’t “infect” others
• God can heal you from disappointments and past hurts
• If it’s true that hurt people hurt people it is also true that free people free people
• Get well so you can help others get well  

You may have invested your time, talents, money, and heart in this church

• Suddenly you realize that God is moving you elsewhere (that is really OK)
• If you have determined that your time here is coming to an end
  • Make sure that you leave well (leaving well is a choice)
  • Don’t try to take others with you. Let them hear from God for themselves
  • Make sure you leave for the right reasons
  • It’s important to inform church leadership of your decision
  • Don’t just disappear

There are Appropriate Reasons for leaving a church (here are two)

CALLING: God is calling you elsewhere

• You no longer feel at home
• Things no longer feel right
• You are not settled
• You feel God is releasing you

VISION: God is leading you one way and the church is going another way

• If this is true … it is definitely time for a change 
• Why?  Vision + Vision = Division
• It is not your job to set the direction of the church
• God has placed the Senior Pastor and elders in the local church to set the vision
• If you can’t support and serve the church’s vision and its leaders, it’s time to go
• There are no exceptions 

 
There are also Inappropriate Reasons for leaving a church

• Probably 75% of people who make a transition leave for inappropriate reasons
• Four common reasons:  grievances, offenses, disappointments, wounds
• Review definition of “authority”

Church leaders often don’t know you are upset

• Even when they do discover that you’re upset, they often don’t know exactly why
• The responsibility is yours to initiate and clarify your concerns
• After taking this step, there is a way to part well
• Remember … leaving well is a choice

Be very careful what you say about your church and its leadership team

• If God is leading you AWAY from here
  • It is not necessary to justify your departure
  • It is not necessary to defend your position

Proverbs 18:21 – Words kill and words give life.  They’re either poison or fruit … you choose.
 
Five Laws of Righteous Leaving

LAW # 1 – Righteous leaving is PLANNED

• It takes place in a timely fashion
• It is properly communicated ... and happens in plain sight

1 John 1:7 – “If we walk in the light, we have fellowship …”

So how do we properly communicate when leaving?  Glad you asked!

a.  Submit what you are feeling (concerns/disagreements) to a pastor/ministry leader
Give the pastor/ministry leader a chance to respond. Just like marriage – this is common courtesy

Proverbs 18:17 – “The first speech in a court case is always convincing ... until the cross-examination begins.”

Communication is a two-way street.There are two sides to every story (listen and you may discover something new)
 
b. Try to share with a pastor/ministry leader in person. Rather than by phone/e-mail/text/Facebook/Twitter/through a friend. Please don’t just disappear

LAW # 2 – Righteous leaving is PRAYERFUL

• Is God leaving with you … or not?
• Why are you leaving … for appropriate or inappropriate reasons? 

LAW # 3 – Righteous leaving is PURE

• Make sure that you are in right relationship with those in authority
• You can agree to disagree without being disagreeable
• Remember – how you leave is as important as why you leave

LAW # 4 – Righteous leaving is PEACEABLE
Romans 14:19 – “As far as possible, be at peace with all men.” 
Hebrews 12:14 – “Make every effort to be at peace with all men.”  

• It’s not always possible (but you can do your part)

Ask yourself these questions …

• Can you bless (not bless with a 2’ x 4’) those whom you are leaving? 

It is not necessarily to agree with them
It is important to pray for them and desire God’s best for them

• Could you ever return without guilt?  (I did …it was awesome)

 
LAW # 5 – Righteous leaving is POSITIVE
If you made a list, would it contain:

• What you are looking FOR in a church
• What you are AGAINST (moving away from)
• Are you looking to the future?
• Are you wishing to only relive the past?  

Isaiah 43:18-19 – “Forget the former things.  Do not dwell on the past.  See I am doing a new thing … do you not perceive it?”

There is great danger in nostalgia (remembering the “good ole days” or abuse in the past)
Your windshield is larger than your rear view mirror. Where you are going is greater than where you’ve been